“Never ask a question to which you don’t know the answer” is cross-examination’s golden rule. It means asking just what you need to establish the facts or argument necessary for your case. Described as forensic, lawyers-turned-politicians are over-praised for this skill, often undeservedly so. Political persuasion is about crafting a story resonating with ordinary people, not making clever points to impress judges.

Investigations are different: asking questions to which you don’t know the answer is essential. Curiosity is a much-underrated virtue. Asking “why” is not done as much as it should be. A brilliant example by Post Office Inquiry judge, Sir Wyn Williams, is here. I’ve  spent decades asking impertinent questions and being astonished at the answers. A particular favourite was being told that a note saying that a theft charge against an employee responsible for handling client money should be no bar to his forthcoming promotion was not in his HR file because “it might make him feel bad.” This mix of a stupidly sentimental concern for wrongdoers’ feelings at the expense of necessarily ruthless risk assessment is emblematic of our times. Not just in finance. Learning this 6 weeks before the employee’s fraud trial because the prosecution wanted it as evidence added a certain frisson to the preparations. It wasn’t in the end used. Just as well. “Entrust your money to us. We employ thieves.” would be a courageous marketing slogan at any time. Insanely so when banks were about as popular as Ebola.

Medical diagnosis is much like investigations: noticing unusual changes, asking questions, collecting evidence, analysing it, working out the extent of the problem, and producing a plan. The earlier it’s done, the smaller the problem and the less painful the resolution.

6 weeks ago, I was admitted to hospital with painful breathing. The cause? Inquiries are continuing. Instead, they found invasive lobular breast cancer which has spread to my spine and part of my pelvis. Chemotherapy starts this week. It is a type which is hard to detect with mammograms, ultrasound or via physical examination. All those reassurances from the clear screening results were for nothing; I have likely had this for some time. The hospital is doing an audit to see if anything was missed. So often in investigations there are overlooked clues. I appreciate the irony – though, God, if you’re there, you bastard – did I really need to be taught that lesson? The other similarity is learning how to deliver difficult messages. I admire the doctors and nurses who have spoken to me with great care and consideration. A special mention too of the cleaners, porters, and tea ladies, unfailingly cheerful, friendly, and helpful. Those small human kindnesses make a difference. We value this too little.

The hardest thing is the loss of control, feeling vulnerable, being thought of as a burden, though my husband gently reminded me that “In sickness and in health” is precisely for such a time. Above all, not wanting to worry my children because I should be supporting them. That feeling never ever goes away, no matter how old or settled or grown up your children appear to be.

I will likely not be on here much (doubtless pleasing those who can’t or won’t read a page of prose!) Not just because of this but also because commenting on politics right now feels like shouting into the wind. I’ve felt for a while that it has become dismissive of the necessary underpinnings of a decent, competent society, too nastily selfish: too much focus on demands (wrongly dressed up as rights) and autonomy (always more illusory – even for the most privileged – than they realise); too little realisation of how easily we can become vulnerable, how our actions affect others, what we owe others and why we need boundaries, taboos, safeguards and social conventions, not least because the vulnerable – and we all fall in this group at some time or other – need them.

I have always been an instinctive feminist but my time on here has sharpened it. PB is so very male that it has great difficulty understanding in its bones the female perspective, accepting that women are fully independent actors, not just there to make life better for men. Misogyny is not just being horrible to women. It’s responding to an issue affecting women by concentrating primarily on how men feel about it. It’s stating that if a law prevents men doing something they want or taking something from women, it is impossible or “too complicated” to follow it (a very Trumpian response by self-proclaimed progressive institutions, including – unbelievably – Parliament itself). It’s the belief that there are more important things to worry about and women must wait until those are all resolved first ie never. Being a male ally involves more than supporting those rights (abortion, contraception) which suit men; it means giving up some of men’s power, demands, accepting restraints on male behaviour, understanding that a woman’s “No” is a complete sentence and respecting this without question. The opposite is happening. This is not a right or left issue. Attacks on women’s needs and dismissal of their concerns is found across the entire political spectrum and has worsened in recent years. The same applies to children. Safeguarding matters but our society’s actions show how little that’s really believed.

I have enjoyed contributing here. Possibly the only difference I have made is that some of you apologise for putting chocolate on your coffee. Apologise only, though, I notice. What will it take you to stop, eh? If you want decent chocolate, get yourself to Naples and this shop – https://gay-odin.it/foresta/cioccolato-foresta.html. (Yes, it’s safe to google at work.)

If you want a good meal beforehand get some skirt (also known as onglet) from a good butcher.

–              Marinate it in HP sauce, some sherry and red wine.

–              Cook on high heat for a few minutes on either side. The meat must be pink but do not overcook as it will become tough. The marinade will caramelise and make a delicious crust.

–              Put the meat in foil and let it rest for ca.20 minutes.

–              Glaze what is left of the marinade to make a sauce. Mushrooms make a nice addition.

–              Cut the meat finely across the grain.

–              Serve with a green salad, new potatoes (put some mint leaves in the pan with the boiled potatoes and butter with the lid back on) and good horseradish sauce.

–              And if there is any left over – unlikely – it makes delicious sandwiches the following day.

–              It is as tasty and much more economical than many more expensive meat cuts.

–              If you have no decent chocolate, a good zabaglione with langue de chats biscuits is a delightful alternative.

I shall be concentrating on finishing my book and creating my garden. The studio is built, as is a beautiful, curved slate wall bordering a path to the top of a crag with views over the estuary. I will create a spectacle of colour, shape, and scent, plant and nurture. Its progress will be on my website (www.cyclefree.co.uk). When thinking what to call it, my daughter suggested “Why I Am Right About Everything (And You Should Listen To Me).” She was right. So am I. And, yes, you should. If anyone is in the area, feel free to get in touch. The beaches and walks here are outstanding.

A huge thank you to Mike Smithson, @TSE and Robert for the opportunity to write on here – 282 articles since March 2016. It has been a privilege. I wish Mike and his wife the very best. I have never even heard of Radiohead let alone heard them nor watched Die Hard and have no intention of remedying this. Cricket and Formula 1 are still the dullest sports imaginable. Pineapple on pizza is an abomination. The BTL comments have been interesting, illuminating, often infuriatingly ill-informed and/or utter B/S, sometimes very funny and at times a lifesaver. I wish you the best. If all goes well, I plan a trip to Japan, Korea, and Vietnam. And if not, well, what can I say?

Carpe Diem, PB’ers. Carpe Diem.

Cyclefree