Forget the naysayers. The Archbishop of Canterbury should not resign. He stands in the now well-worn – if not at all honourable (and who now cares anyway about quaint nonsense such as “honour“) – tradition of leaders of organisations in charge when something dreadful happens but Who Are Not To Blame. Why should he fall on his mitre when no-one else ever does. No. No. Clinging on like a limpet using a variety of grotesque shameless excuses is the British way – and provides much entertainment for the rest of us. Even better if he can be promoted and acquire some lucrative sinecures. That’s how things are done.

Lord Robens set the standard 58 years ago – with his outright lies about the NCB’s knowledge of the danger the tips outside Aberfan posed to it. Not only did he not resign; he went on to be appointed to a large number of Board positions, positions so lucrative that he abandoned Labour clearly fearing for his wealth. That’s the spirit! It did not stop Barbara Castle appointing him in 1969 to head up a commission on health and safety at work, an appointment so grotesquely insensitive that one can only applaud her for the first recorded instance of a Labour Minister (a Labour minister – as Neil Kinnock might put it) trolling bereaved Welsh miners.

Then there’s the FCA. It has instituted rules requiring those at the top of banks to take responsibility for what happens on their watch and not adopt a position of “donning the blindfolds” (a recommendation made by the Parliamentary Commission on Banking Standards, on which sat one Justin Welby – irony being another of our traditions). When it came to the FCA’s failings over London & County Finance, its then CEO, Andrew Bailey, argued vigorously that he should not be named or held responsible at all because, among other things, criticism might deter people from taking difficult but vital roles and “Responsibility” was an “ambiguous” term. It is a quite remarkable piece of special pleading – the “I’m too important to be responsible” defence. One can only hope that Justin is reading this right now and telling his rebellious bishops that there can scarcely be anyone more important than him in the CoE. So there.

He could also point to the current FCA Chair, Ashley Alder, who, having been found by an independent investigation to have breached the FCA’s own whistleblowing policy, refused to resign saying: “I’m absolutely firm in my view that I acted with the best of intentions.” Well that’s alright then. Why bother having rules – or indeed laws – if a person’s firm belief in the reasonableness and harmlessness of his own actions are all that matters. The Archbishop believes he is a good person and that, surely, in the Age of Self-Identification is all that should matter.

Or he could point to the very many men in recent months found guilty of having photos of child abuse – many thousands of them, many of the worst kind – who got suspended sentences and walked free from court, in some cases because imprisonment might have put their jobs at risk. And they were also Very Sorry. Of course they were. (Very Sorry at being caught, that is.) Surely an Archbishop can do a splendid Sorry, perhaps accompanied by a bit of flagellation (only the self-kind this time, the other sort being what got Smyth into trouble – or rather not him but his victims). He can also point to the leaders of the very many local authorities and other institutions where child abuse happened over decades, none of whom resigned or were disciplined or suffered anything adverse at all. Margaret Hodge was actually promoted by Blair – to Minister of Children, following the example set by Castle and Robens. Never let it be said that Blair was not a Labour man through and through, steeped in all its fine traditions.

So many other examples: Cressida Dick, Limpet Extraordinaire, Sandy Brindley in Scotland, disclaiming all responsibility for a disastrous and unlawful appointment which led to significant failings, a lost legal case, costs for taxpayers, the Glasgow Rape Crisis Centre leaving Rape Crisis Scotland and another considering it, Sir Alex Chisholm, standing by – despite being the responsible Accounting Officer as well as Business Department Permanent Secretary – while the Post Office misused government money to pursue its disastrously managed litigation against the subpostmasters and now Chair of EDF.

What role could Welby be given now? There are so many his blend of agonised self-righteousness, Pontius Pilate washing of hands and total lack of curiosity seem eminently suitable for. The Post Office is looking for a new Chief Executive. Perhaps he could step into Paula’s shoes and she can become the new AoC! They’re both so talented at standing by while the vulnerable are harmed. Or he could be put in charge of implementing IICSA’s recommendations or drafting a new Ministerial ethics code with none of those silly prohibitions on coveting others’ goods. But the important thing is this: Traditions must be Maintained. What would Britain be without them?

Cyclefree